Appeared on YourTango: If He Does These 5 Things, He's Not Chivalrous — He's Manipulative

"5. He gets rough when you don’t play your part. 

This is the ultimate sign of false chivalry. Matchmaker Bonnie Winston shared with me that she had a female client who found a man who obsessed with one small thing: he absolutely insisted on walking next to the curb for “her safety.” 

“At first she didn't mind, but if she forgot and walked on the wrong side he’d yell at her,” explains Winston. “They broke up because one night on their way to dinner he put his hands on her, and pushed her away from the curb and she fell.” 

So much for safety and chivalry, this action was obviously about control and aggression. Fortunately, the girl promptly broke up with him—but looking back, I can’t help but wonder if she wished she called it quits after his weird bouts of yelling, before it came to actual aggression.

Remember, chivalry isn’t just a set of actions that men use to get something. As Bret McKay of The Art of Manliness told Verily: “Chivalry is not about either the inferiority or the lofty superiority of women. Instead, it can foster mutual respect and remind us of our underlying biological differences and the complementary nature of the sexes. These little social gestures add some texture to a social life that often feels bland and homogenized.” As McKay points out, true chivalry is one of the few remnants of courtship we have left, often the big differentiator between a date and a nebulous “hang out.” 

Ultimately, real chivalry boils down to this one question: do you feel honored and appreciated, or do you feel pressured and pulled? It might take one or two dates to really know your answer, but when you do, you’ll know in your gut, not by tallying minute details. "

 

Original Article: If He Does These 5 Things, He's Not Chivalrous — He's Manipulative published on YourTango.com

Romper: 23 Unexpected Questions That’ll Deepen Your Bond With Your Partner

"Do You Have An Endgame Goal?"

You need to know what your partner's goals are. Does he want to start his own company? Does she want kids (or more kids)? Are they thinking about goals for the relationship at all? Matchmaker and relationship expert Bonnie Winston says that you need to know what those relationship goals are. It's important for many reasons, but one of those reasons is that knowing that the two of you have shared goals for your relationship is one way to strengthen the bond between the two of you. Not knowing where the other person stands is never comforting.

Originally Published on Romper.com

Appeared on BUSTLE.COM: 7 Ways To Know If Your Chemistry With Your Partner Will Last

7. Your Partner Makes You Laugh

Laughter can make for some great chemistry (and some lighthearted fun, of course.) "Chemistry can peter out quickly, but if your partner makes you laugh, or you do other chores together and adore one another OUSIDE of the bedroom as well as inside, those are clues that your partner and your passion will not fizzle out," says celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert, Bonnie Winston, over email with Bustle. 

If you have any of these habits and behaviors in your personal relationship, you're in luck. There's tons of promise that you and your SO will stay happy and intimate for years to come. (Which is what everyone wants, right?)

 

Original Article:  7 Ways To Know If Your Chemistry With Your Partner Will Last By ISADORA BAUM, CHC

Appeared on BUSTLE.COM 15 Signs You Actually Play It Too Cool & It’s Holding Back Your Love Life

8. You Haven't Been Asked Out In A Minute

While you might think it's over-the-top to express your desire, people actually really like that. "Men and women want to feel desired and wanted and this sends a message of ambiguity, which will hold you back in love," says Bonnie Winston, a celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert. But if you can be honest about your feelings, and even a little flirty, you might find yourself on a few more dates.

 

14. You Don't Want To Feel Rejected

As Winston tells me, some ladies (and men) who play hard to get — especially the ones who really lay it on thick — are doing so because they fear rejection. But that's part of the dating process. If you don't put yourself out there, and risk a few rejections, you'll really be holding yourself back.

 

Original Article:  15 Signs You Actually Play It Too Cool & It’s Holding Back Your Love Life By CAROLYN STEBER

Scam-Detector: Dating Traps: A Spread Between 'Matebaiting' and Fake Identities

Dating is fun, but sometimes it comes with the most unpleasant surprises. That includes cases when the person you thought you know is in fact someone else. We thought we'd try to get deeper into the intricate world of dating scams.

We're not talking about the classic - by now - online dating fake profiles asking for money after the relationship takes off. We connected with two of the most reputable elite professional matchmakers in North America to share their thoughts: Bonnie Winston and Susan Trombetti.

Both of them work with celebrities and have experienced enough to know what could raise a red flag.

Winston has coined a term called matebaiting. What is it? “Crooks are dating and baiting the other person with exactly what they say they want. Let me explain”, says our expert, the founder of BonnieWinstonMatchmaker.com.

“Let's say you go on a first date and outline all your must-haves during dinner. There may be some chemistry and on the second date the other person suddenly mentions, You know what, I want to get married and have kids soon, as well. Or something like: Hey, I love Indian food and camping. I’m looking for a committed relationship, as well.”

“In other words, they are matebaiting. Finding out what you want and then telling you exactly what you want to hear about a long-term relationship. These people, it can be a man or woman, are not really interested in long-term, they’re just manipulating the situation.”

“Often, especially for women, marriage and children is the ultimate goal, and guys know that. So be careful about revealing too much in your online profile, or in social media, or on a first or second date.“, advises Winston.

“Sometimes the person using these practices hides a very dark past. I was introduced once to a very attractive man, full of charisma, smarts and spirit. I was surprised to find out he was never married or in a long serious relationship, but I decided to consider representing him, not before doing some research.”

“It took me a while, but I discovered that this guy had spent seven years in jail for a $750,000 money laundering scheme... Would you trust him?”, says Winston.

“Make sure you go on the Internet and spend quite a bit of time looking for your prospect. You'd be surprised how much stuff you can find, especially nowadays. Sure, not everything online might be true, but when you find a mugshot as I did in the case I just told you about, you know that's a big issue. Also, don't be afraid to run a background check if you really like the person and consider a future with him or her”.

Originally published on scam-detector.com

Appeared on YourTango: How To Tell He's Not Into You, According To Relationship Experts

"9. He starts hanging out with other people in his social sphere more than he does with you. 

Whether it's his friends, or staying "late at work" more and more often, it should be clear that you aren't a priority.

"He only initiates a date with you when he wants sex, but isn’t interested in hanging out with you or having a conversation otherwise," says Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert.

10. He starts making up excuses NOT to have sex with you. 

He’s "too full from dinner" or he has to "wake up early for work" the next day when none of these things kept him from jumping on you before. That's a clear sign.

11. He doesn't discuss the future with you.
 

He used to talk about the next vacation you two were going to take or how you’d eventually move to the suburbs to raise your kids. 'But these days it seems like all your plans revolve around the routine present,' says Winston.

12. He’s always on his phone when you’re at a restaurant.

'Instead of staring into your eyes for hours, he’s staring at his Instagram feed. Every text ping seems to interrupt your conversation and he’s responding instead of concentrating on you,' warns Winston."

 

Original Article: How To Tell He's Not Into You, According To Relationship Experts by Aly Walansky

Appeared on Readers Digest: Always Follow These 8 Rules When Texting Your Partner

"Mad texting is always trouble, so take some tips from  to keep it fair. "Wait until you cool off a bit, and your head is clearer," says professional matchmaker Bonnie Winston. "Impulsively sprouting mean or nasty remarks by text cannot be undone easily. As hard as it might be, give yourself some time to calm down and reason, and think it through. This goes for partners, as well as anyone you really care about."

 

Original Article: Always Follow These 8 Rules When Texting Your Partner published on Reader's Digest by Bryce Gruber

Appeared on Bustle: 11 Movies To Watch With Your Partner That Might Spark Meaningful Conversations

"This film can be fun to watch, for the pure nostalgia of it all. But Breakfast at Tiffany's can also strike up meaningful conversation. "You could discuss what your feelings were initially for each other, and what your 'end goals' are currently," matchmaker and relationship expert Bonnie Winston tells Bustle. "Have they changed... and what are they now? It could also spark a realistic conversation about money, values about love, and what you would or would not do for money.”

 

Original Article: 11 Movies To Watch With Your Partner That Might Spark Meaningful Conversations

Appeared on Bustle: 11 Times A Lack Of Passion In A Relationship Isn't Actually A Bad Thing

"1. You Aren't Having Sex As Often

If your sex life starts to slow down, don't panic. "[It] doesn’t mean you have a loveless [relationship]," Bonnie Winston, a celebrity matchmaker, tells Bustle. "Decades of proven evidence says that the average couple’s passion lasts just a few years. That means if you aren't really compatible in other areas, there's a good chance that your relationship won't stand the test of time." So, the fact you're still together, even though you're no longer having sex 24/7, can be a sign of high compatibility."

It's great if you think your partner is the sexiest person alive. But if you're obsessed with the fact they're an 11 on the hotness scale, it could be a sign you're a little too passionate. "I tell my clients that if you see someone at a bar, party, or the dry cleaners and on a scale of one to 10, you feel this person is an 11... run, do not walk away," Winston says. "You are so attracted to that person because they have the issues you never worked out with a relative, parent, or difficult circumstance ... It will be a pattern that repeats itself." In other words, that 11 might make for a fun hookup; not necessarily a stable relationship.

Original Article: 11 Times A Lack Of Passion In A Relationship Isn't Actually A Bad Thing published on Bustle. 

Appeared on BESTLIFE: The 20 Questions You Should Never Ask On a First Date

couple-on-a-bad-first-date.jpg

 

"5.

'How Much Did That Cost?'

Nope nope nope. Whether it’s their apartment, watch, or a clearly luxe handbag—it’s none of your business. “It’s just plain tacky, and also will make you appear shallow and only concerned with money,” says Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert. “You can compliment something without wanting to qualify it with a price.” Even when you’re in a relationship, if you have separate finances you shouldn’t feel obligated to tell your partner the price of something you spend your own money on—in fact, it’s one of the 13 secrets you should always keep from your partner."

 

Original article: The 20 Questions You Should Never Ask On a First Date originally published on BESTLIFE

Appeared on Bustle: What Is Dating Imposter Syndrome? If You Feel Like You Don't Deserve Your Partner, Listen Up

"I have a client who, despite the external evidence that she is drop dead gorgeous, believes herself to be a fraud who does not deserve the men she always attracts," Celebrity Matchmaker and Relationship Expert Bonnie Winston tells Bustle. "She once remarked that a man I fixed her up with must be 'vision impaired' to have been attracted to her and liked her. She also said it was 'just good timing.'

Original Article:   What Is Dating Imposter Syndrome? If You Feel Like You Don't Deserve Your Partner, Listen Up published on Bustle.com

 

Appeared on Brit +Co: 8 Ways to Make Time for Romance No Matter How Busy You Are

3. Connect in spite of distance and busy schedules. We understand how life can be — you’re

traveling every week for work and your partner always seems to have work events on the nights you’re actually home, or you’ve just been ships passing in the night lately because of your entirely opposite (yet equally cluttered) social calendars. Is there ever an end to the chaos? Not really, which is why it’s important to learn to work around the limitations of time and space. You can still connect with your S.O. and create that spark when you’re separated! For couples dealing with a difficult travel schedule, matchmaker and relationship expert Bonnie Winston suggests choosing a book and taking turns reading chapters to each other over the phone each night, which will build a nightly routine around intimacy, instead of just watching TV alone. Similarly, licensed marriage and family therapist Rajani Venkatramanencourages busy couples to keep romance going with small gestures. “Romance and passion do not rely on constant physical presence,” she says. “In fact, they thrive quite well on the gaps between connection, as long as we keep the connection well fed. Leave your lover a note tucked in the cereal box, a heart drawn on the misty bathroom mirror, a sexy goodbye kiss as a promise of more.”

Original Article from Brit + Co 8 Ways to Make Time for Romance No Matter How Busy You Are

Appeared on Bustle: 11 Subtle Signs Someone Is Probably Flirting With You, Even If You Don't Think So

It seems like such a simple thing, but a person with a crush will a) always hear what you say and b) make an effort to show their appreciation. So, if this potential partner is always responding to you with a laugh or a smile, take note. As matchmaker Bonnie Winston says, "If they giggle at your jokes, that may be a subtle way of flirting."

While not necessarily classic signs of flirting, these little gestures are still the real deal. And, they might even mean that nervous, slightly standoffish person is actually totally into you.  

 

Original Article:  11 Subtle Signs Someone Is Probably Flirting With You, Even If You Don't Think So published on Bustle

Appeared on Mental Floss

 

1. THEY’RE ALWAYS ON THE CLOCK.

Whether they’re shopping for groceries, waiting in a doctor’s office, or traveling on vacation, matchmakers always have their eyes peeled for ideal partners for their clients. “Being a matchmaker is not a 9 to 5 job,” matchmaker and dating coach Bonnie Winston tells Mental Floss. “24 hours, seven days a week is more like it. My employees go home, but I never close!”

Winston, who often works on weekends and evenings, also gives her clients dating advice before, during, and after dates. “It is not unusual that clients call me with inquiries about what they should wear before certain dates,” she says. “Or, I’ll get calls in whispered hush tones—secretly from bathrooms in dining establishments—to ask me questions on etiquette, or if they can hook up with their date because they have great chemistry,” Winston says.

2. THEY HAVE A SIXTH SENSE.

Romance is mysterious—no one can predict whether two strangers will meet and fall in love. But successful matchmakers possess a high level of emotional intelligence and intuition that guides them in their work. Winston, who made her first successful match when she was 16 years old, says she just has a natural sense of which people would be good together. “Matchmaking isn’t something that can be bought or taught,” she says. “I will meet someone and just know when they are a good match for one of my clients.”

***

Besides speaking with people they encounter in daily life, matchmakers may also rely on their networks of family and friends. “My mother is one of eight siblings and I have literally dozens of cousins who are well aware that there is a ‘yenta’ in the family. I tap into those resources, too!” Winston says.

***

Clients may also have emotional blocks that get in the way of finding love. “Some people say they want to get married but they don’t really want to,” Winston says. “They turn down every potential date for a ridiculous amount of petty and inconsequential reasons.”

***

8. DATING APPS CAN MAKE THEIR JOB HARDER …

Dating apps give people a huge number of potential matches at their fingertips, but most apps don't vet matches—and good results are not guaranteed. “[Dating apps] make things so impersonal,” Winston says. “[Users] are deleting really good people forever so easily in seconds with their fingertips. And scratching their heads [about] why they can’t meet anyone.”

***

9. … BUT APPS CAN ALSO DRIVE CLIENTS TO THEM.

While apps may be many people’s initial foray into the dating world, a disappointing experience can lead unsuccessful daters to a matchmaker. “Honestly I think [dating apps] impact [our industry] positively,” Rose says. “People who try those apps or sites see that they are about quantity not quality, and then they research better options and find me.” Winston adds that matchmakers slow down the online dating process. “People who come to me are sick of swiping, scrolling, sexting and texting, getting poked, and being ghosted. They are burnt out,” she says. “I bring back old-fashioned courtship and romance.”

***

10. THEY MAKE CLIENTS LOOK THEIR BEST.

Visuals and first impressions play a huge role in dating, and good matchmakers help their clients improve their image. “You’d be surprised how many people come to me with terrible selfies to find love!” Winston exclaims. Because she owned a fashion photography agency, Winston stays connected to top photographers and hair and make-up artists, and she provides her clients with professional photo shoots. “I want my clients look their best while showing their authentic selves,” she says.

***

11. THEY LOVE HELPING PEOPLE FIND TRUE LOVE.

When matchmakers succeed in bringing two people together, they’re ecstatic. “I am joyful when my clients find joy in love. Especially when they immediately 'click'—I feel like I hit it out of the ballpark ... a homerun!” Winston says.

Original Article: 11 Secrets of Matchmakers published on Mental Floss
http://mentalfloss.com/article/503218/11-secrets-matchmakers

Appeared on Bustle

"It's expensive to go out to dinner, so I totally understand why that might not a possibility every week, or even every month. But if you're ordering in every night and then eating on the couch, it might just mean laziness has set in. "Don’t wait for an anniversary to put some spark back into things," says Bonnie Winston, a NYC-based celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert. "Try getting dressed up and going out for a date night instead." Even if it just means walking around the park."

...

"The best part of a relationship is getting to that stage where you can be super comfortable with each other. Be careful, though, because this can be a slippery slope into a passionless situation. As Winston tells me, there's always room for a little lingerie or whatever else makes you feel sexy, all in the name of reigniting that spark."

...


"We all need to veg out, and that's OK. But things can get pretty damn stale if you both make a habit of staring into the TV without acknowledging each other. As Winston says, the lack of interaction during a TV binge can be a sign of a lack of passion. So make an effort to spice things up. "Try going out to a show," she says. "Or an activity where you can interact and share opinions."

Original Article: 11 Daily Habits That Indicate There's No Passion Left in a Relationship  published on Bustle

Appeared on Bustle

Skip the internet stalking and be upfront about past relationships. Ask about any exes who might still be in your partner's life. "It's necessary because you want to go in knowing the score about others — is there a possibility they are still involved?" says matchmaker Bonnie Winston over email.

Original Article: 7 "Uncomfortable" Questions All Partners Should Ask Each Other Anyway published on Bustle

source: PEXELS

source: PEXELS

Appeared on Women's Health, Fox.com

"The good news? Chances are you have seen that person in their natural, authentic state, says dating coach and matchmaker Bonnie Winston—since you've seen how they act as they handle pressure, deadlines, and responsibilities. What happens under those fluorescent office lights makes it a lot easier to see someone clearly than when the lights are dim over a glass of wine."

"...Law firms are also typically against interoffice relationships, Winston says."

Original Article:  Questions To Ask Yourself Before Dating A Coworker published on Women's Health and Fox.com